Alfred Adler and Couples Therapy
Alfred Adler, though not as much of a household name as his peers Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung, made lasting contributions to the field of psychotherapy that exist to this day. I attended the Adler Graduate School in Minnesota for my Master’s degree, and have also participated in multiple international Adlerian Summer Schools that continue to evolve Adler’s theory for a global network of therapists, teachers, parents, and more.
Adler’s theory is primarily where I derive my couples therapy philosophy from, though it is infused in my individual sessions as well.
At the core of Adlerian theory is the notion that all human beings are goal-directed, and that our actions are animated by striving towards a “fictional” idealized version of ourselves. Basically, we hold an ideal in our mind’s eye for how we might behave in a given situation, and the tension between our attempts to realize that ideal and what we actually do constitutes how we move through life.
Adler draws a distinction between those of us who strive towards our ideal selves in service of being superior to others (and thereby having domination over them) versus striving alongside others in such a way that we might all become our higher selves together.
The above point has significant implications for couples therapy. A common goal couples might approach together has to do with how each partner gives and receives feedback. A gold standard for relationship health can be summed up by the following example: when your partner gives you feedback, do you receive it in such a way that it’s a helpful notion that helps move the relationship towards its shared goals? Or, is it received in such a way that it feels like a criticism or tear down - more likely to prompt defensiveness and lashing out than draw the two of you closer together?
Something Adler’s theory teaches is that our problems are inherently social; they exist between us as opposed to within. This is an example of the type of situation where couples therapy really shines.
If you resonated with reading the above, it could be that couples therapy is a good fit for your relationship. I’d be happy to speak with you and your partner during a free consultation to determine if we’re a good fit for each other. Here is a video that gives an example of a common topic I work on with couples.
